yet, I Smile
A ministry for women by women
A Christian faith-based community for women who have experienced trauma
“Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; and she smiles at the future”
Psalm 31:25 AMP
This week’s topic:
Isolation
In Watermark Church's Re:Generation Ministry Groundwork book, they say that "a heart that's well is a heart that tells." I didn't believe in this philosophy for almost 40 years. I thought, the more I kept my pain hidden, it would just magically disappear because 'time heals all'....right? Further, I thought...why should I tell others about my pain because a) they wouldn't understand, b) they would judge me for my actions, c) they would see 'the real me' (imposter syndrome), or c) they would just tell me to pray more...if my faith would just be strong enough, then I could be healed.
While I whole-heartedly believe that faith can heal, I also believe that behavior must follow the belief. Jesus doesn't say - keep all your secrets hidden and I will make it all better. In fact, Proverbs 18:1 says, "whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment." That was me. I sought my own desire and I broke sound judgment. I thought if I could just 'fix it' myself, then all would be fine. And, I told people, I was fine.
Like Matthew West sings in his song, 'Truth be Told,' we aren't always 'fine.' We struggle; we hurt; we grieve. I was struggling; I was hurting. I was living in daily fear, panic, anxiety, and pain. To be honest, I was quite comfortable staying there. At least it was an experience or a feeling that I knew well. I thought people’s judgment and disappointment would immediately follow my confession of my darkest emotions. And, well...I just couldn't take that. I was dealing with too much emotion on my own, I certainly didn't need other's judgments or disappointments on top of that. So, I remained isolated and 'fine.'
You know what is really incredible - when I finally confessed my biggest secret - alcohol abuse - my friends and family didn't judge me or find me incapable of being loved. Quite the opposite. My husband forgave me; my family forgave me; my friends forgave me. It was the first time that I really felt vulnerable and free at the same time.
The isolation I put myself through only made the damage deepen rather than go away. I turned more and more into my harmful thoughts and behaviors when I could have been getting the support that I needed all along. When I was afraid that my friends and family would be quick to judge, I was judging them before giving them a chance to act differently
than what I anticipated. I didn't give them the benefit of the doubt that they would actually wrap their arms around me and provide help.
Battles aren't won by a single person. Battles are won with a community of warriors. It's unhealthy to hurt in isolation because it just builds that hurt higher and stronger.
This week’s topic:
Strength
Inspiration
This piece of scripture refers to believers struggling with their faith. But, I resonated with this scripture because it reminds me of the strength needed to endure trauma. I have often felt like a bruised reed or a smoldering wick, barely hanging onto living; sometimes asking myself why am I even here and sometimes just wondering if I will always carry this weight with me - but I wanted to be free....free from the shackles of pain, shame, or guilt. I have been that bruised reed, heavy with the weight of my shame but not breaking. Finding peace from underneath the shame has been more of a slow climb rather than a rush of relief and acceptance. I have accepted myself for what I have been through and recognize that ‘the act’ doesn’t define the unique, complex beauty of ‘the’ identity of self. Acceptance, for me, is knowing that ‘the act’ doesn’t outline my future, but I have a say in what that affect is - use it to change into something a little more like who God wants me to be or as an excuse to come so far but don’t push over the edge. I have lived in that limbo for decades - perched between shame and life. But, here I am ready to live. I have found strength in God, yes. But, I have also found strength in a community of women who have experienced similar traumas and are also bearing underneath the weight of pain. To know that my fears, my emotions, my thoughts are not in isolation. They are replicated throughout many souls and in that commonality, we can find strength in each other.
Devotion
Matthew 12:17
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out....
Prayer
Lord, please help us feel your acceptance apart from the shame we have put on ourselves. Show us your enduring love.
Matthew West’s song “Truth be Told” provided me with courage to open up about my pain. I wasn’t fine and I needed to share that. I hope you find some inspiration in this song, too.
horizons weekend
because hope is on the horizon.
Horizon Weekends are designed to build connections with other women who have experienced trauma through healthy living and a Christian-based community.
- Hiking / walking (any level welcome)
- Light exercise (yoga, stretching)
- Creativity (baking, cooking, painting)
- Community building (themed evening events, meals shared)
- Sober weekend (no alcohol, drugs, or smoking)
Try one weekend, getting out in nature, maybe designing a piece of art, sipping some coffee or tea, and finding peace.
For more information, email yetismileministry@gmail.com
Or, if interested in being a part of our next Horizon weekend, fill out our Horizon Weekend Interest Form.
about us
Rebecca Burton
Kristen Elaine Whalen
Harper Burton
A life-long educator who loves her hubby, her kids, and her dog....and of course, Jesus. Through her own traumatic experiences, she has learned to find joy, trust God, and finally, trust others.
An artist who loves her kid fiercely and her God even more. She finds beauty in the small things and rejoices in community. Through her traumatic experiences, she has learned...
An adventurer who loves communing with God through nature. She loves the peace that only nature can bring. Through her experiences, she has learned how to trust again, build better relationships, and to have a softer heart.
Yet I Smile MInistry
Contact Us
Email: yetismileministry@gmail.com
let's talk